


To Binge

by biscuitsandgravy



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Pining, one-sided reigisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3873064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitsandgravy/pseuds/biscuitsandgravy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei screws up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Binge

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a song of the same name by The Gorillaz.

It’s a beautiful spring day, and Rei should be enjoying the unusually warm weather while he waits at the train station. Entrance exams have finished and the time before graduation is dwindling to a number you could count on your fingers. There’s music coming from somewhere, Rei can’t make out the words but he feels the mellow beat. Even though it’s faint, for a moment it’s suffocating him, pounding in his brain.

 

The feeling passes soon enough, but Rei is still wondering why he felt breathless. Suddenly, he hears a familiar voice approaching and he’s choking again, but this time he knows why.

 

Nagisa.

 

Of course, he’s chatting animatedly to someone else, a classmate Rei recognizes but doesn’t know the name of. Even though Nagisa stands next to Rei like always, he continues talking to the other student, not even pausing to tease Rei about how stiffly he’s standing (as he tries not to let his knees shake).

 

The train arrives, like always, and the resulting breeze does help Rei breathe again. Nagisa’s quiet now, the girl he was chatting with having found a different group of friends to talk to. They board the train, Rei muttering good morning and Nagisa turning to him and smiling, finally acknowledging his presence. Rei wants to think there’s something different about his smile, something distant and cold, but maybe it really is the same smile and Rei’s just imagining the change.

 

To an outsider, things might look exactly the same. Rei and Nagisa still ride the train to school, shoulder to shoulder, Nagisa chattering about a dog he saw on the way to the station. But Rei can feel a universe separating them; before, Nagisa’s shoulder would bump into his with the motion of the train. No longer. Nagisa stands just far enough away that there’s no contact, their shirts no longer brush against each other when they exit the train.

 

Rei misses it more than he could have imagined.

 

Of course, it’s all his fault and he knows it. This tension, this strain, is all because of him. Nagisa could never be anything other than his pure self, the embodiment of caring and joy.

 

They’re walking together, but Nagisa isn’t with Rei, not really. Rei can see Nagisa checking his email. Probably waiting for a response from Makoto. Makoto, who certainly would have heard by now and probably sighed _Rei_ in that slightly exasperated way of his when he heard the news from Nagisa.

As Rei and Nagisa enter homeroom, Nagisa takes his seat but turns away from where Rei sits and begins talking to some of their other classmates who are also early. 

 

Thursday, just yesterday, seems like it was an entire lifetime ago. Maybe it was a different lifetime: a life where Rei hadn’t ruined everything.

 

Class starts, and Rei is incredibly not interested. He can’t stop thinking about yesterday, and how he should have kept his damn mouth shut.

 

Yesterday…

 

Nagisa had asked him over to hang out. Even though they were no longer worried as much about studying for finals (“If I don’t know it by now, I never will!” Nagisa had chirped), they still met up to review. 

 

Rei noticed that something was off about Nagisa. His usual chatter was much faster than usual, never really settling on a single subject. Rather, he was babbling on every thought that crossed his mind. A sure sign that Nagisa was actually keeping something hidden deep inside.

 

At Nagisa’s family house, no one else was around; another sign something was off. Nagisa’s mother was usually always reading when Rei was around and whichever of Nagisa’s sisters was around would always try to bug her brother about something.

 

“Ah, Mama is off with her book club and Nanako is at her friend’s art gallery tonight,” Nagisa explained before Rei even asked. The two headed to Nagisa’s room and Nagisa continued verbalizing his stream of consciousness. Rei didn’t mind, but he wondered what Nagisa was preoccupied with. Graduation, maybe?

 

Right before Nagisa could really get settled down (he insisted that Rei sit on his bed)(“As long as your feet don’t smell, Rei-chan!”) , the doorbell rang. Nagisa jumped as if he’d been electrocuted and ran to answer without a glance at Rei. And then…

 

Rei hadn’t meant to do it. He just happened to notice Nagisa’s pink phone on the bed next to him and Rei knew it was unlocked. Rei always bugged him about locking his phone to keep it secure, so Rei (in a stroke of genius) decided to take a picture of himself and set it as Nagisa’s background. _That would show Nagisa to keep his phone locked_ , Rei thought. 

 

It just so happened that the app that was open was Nagisa’s email. Normally, Rei would have closed it, but he noticed the sender of the email ( **Mako-chan** ) and the subject of the email ( **Rei-chan** ) and…he couldn’t help it.

 

He read it. In the rather lengthy email Nagisa had originally sent, he begged Makoto for his help with Rei. Nagisa wrote that he’d been madly in love with him for two years, wouldn’t it be a good time to ask him out? But how do you tell if one of your closest friends is interested in men? Maybe since he’d never mentioned it, it meant they weren’t really that close? 

 

Makoto’s reply had been positive and calming, just like he was actually speaking. Rei was just a private person and yes, with the year ending it would be a good time to confess: if he reciprocated, great; if not, they would be able to cool down before heading to university together.

 

Rei was at first offended that they’d been talking behind his back. Then, the full force of Nagisa’s words caught up to him.

 

_I’ve been madly in love with Rei-chan for two years!!!!_

 

Just then, Rei heard Nagisa’s footsteps and before he could think about jumping out the window, Nagisa appeared in the doorway with perfect timing to see Rei still holding his phone.

 

Nagisa froze, and Rei’s brain had completely gone blank. There was really no way to explain it away, Nagisa obviously knew what he had left open on his phone.

 

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa asked, with a look on his face somewhere in between embarrassed and hurt.

 

Rei couldn’t get his mouth to form words.

 

“What are you doing, Rei-chan?” Nagisa asked, stepping into the room.

 

Rei did the thing that Rei does when he’s cornered: he panicked. 

 

“I would never have a relationship with someone my age! High school students aren’t meant to be involved romantically, no matter what Rin-san may have said. Not that either of us will be high school students for much longer, but neither of us are adults yet! Teenagers just can’t understand the emotional toil that goes into a relationship…” Now Rei was the one who was babbling, trying to divert his attention away from anything _real_ about this situation. Rei had always read about people who committed crimes getting off on a technicality; maybe it would work for him too. If he pointed out that Nagisa’s feelings were illogical, he could put those feelings away until a more convenient time.

 

As Rei made some excuse to leave, he couldn’t help notice the blank expression on Nagisa’s face. 

 

If Rei could convince himself that these feelings were illogical, he couldn’t have to confront the pounding in his chest.

 

Rei was ready for Thursday to be done with. Maybe on Friday, things would be easier.

 

But on Friday, class passed by at a bizarre speed, sometimes hours vanishing like water droplets evaporating and then, confusingly, minutes dragging by like a kettle that refused to boil. When the lunch bell finally rang, Nagisa began heading up to the roof without even looking at Rei.

 

“Nagisa-kun, I will join you momentarily. I need to use the restroom first,” Rei called.

 

“I’ll tell Gou-chan,” Nagisa replied with barely a backwards glance.

 

Rei dashed to the closest restroom and was relieved to see it empty. He splashed his face with water and tried to calm down, wondering how he could make things right again.

 

_I’ll wait to be forgiven_ , Rei thought to himself, hands gripping the white sink tightly. 

 

_Maybe you never will,_ a voice (that sounded oddly like Haruka’s) replied in his head.

 

With that thought in his head, Rei drags himself up to the roof. Nagisa and Gou and Chigusa were already enjoying their bentos in the beautiful weather. Gou and Chigusa greet Rei as he joined them. 

 

Nagisa didn’t.

 

But the way the sunlight hits his hair, the way his head tilts back as he laughs at a joke he had just told- Rei feels the suffocating sensation from the morning again.

 

This time, he knows what it is.

 

_I’d love to tell you that I love you so much these days_ , Rei thinks. Maybe someday he’ll have the courage to say it out loud. Maybe when he does, it won’t be too late.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think I like these two dorks pining after each other more than I actually like them being together. 
> 
> Sorry if I shifted around the tenses in a weird way, I just needed to get this idea out of my brain because I'd been thinking about it for weeks. Will probably edit for clarity, so don't be afraid to let me know if something is confusing!


End file.
